Last week I had my first break down since I moved to
Tennessee. As many of you know, I have not had a good relationship with my dad.
In fact it has been over five years since I’ve seen him and three since I’ve had
contact with him, all of it being his choice. Last week my Aunt (his sister)
posted a picture of my nephew making his move to Idaho to become a Boise State Bronco.
I was reading the comments on the picture and came across one from Joel (my ‘dad’) and
his current wife. It was talking about how Joel was ‘beaming with pride’ and
reminding my cousin to keep in touch with them (let me remind you that not once
has he reached out to his own daughters to be friends on facebook.) It took
every ounce of self-restraint I had to not remind him of his oldest daughter
Courtney who had gotten married and had two BEAUTIFUL little boys, or me, his
youngest (and only biological kid... that I know of) who moved to Hawaii, had her 21st birthday, graduated from the University of Idaho and saved up money and moved
cross country all on her own, or my Mom and AMAZING step dad Gary who visit and
help take care of HIS biological dad whom he has also abandoned.
At first I was angry with him. Angry that he legitimately
sat down and decided to keep in touch with some family members but not others.
Sometimes it hurts knowing I didn’t make the cut but then I am reminded of the
silver lining to this whole ordeal. I often forget just how lucky I am to have
the Mom that I do. My sister and I were forced to grow up sooner than most
since my mom had to work three jobs to support us. If it weren’t for her I
would not be the strong and independent woman that I am today. My mom made it
possible for me to travel the country playing competitive soccer since I was
ten years old. Through that I formed a support group, made life long friends,
and learned all kinds of lessons on responsibility, accountability, and
self-discipline. I am so very thankful for all that my Mom has done for my
sister and I. I can honestly say that if it weren’t for her I would not have
the confidence or strength to jump on opportunities like going to school in
Hawaii, or moving cross country to build a life from the bottom up.
Not once has my mom doubted me in any aspect of life. When I
told her I wanted to go to a four year University for Sociology she never
judged me. She never told me my plan wasn’t solid enough. She never told me to
rethink things. When I told her I wanted a job doing social work she never told
me to set my goals higher, to find a job that would pay better. When we had the
fateful conversation about me moving across the country she never played the
guilt card, she never laughed in my face. When I arrived to Nashville and got a
job working at a sports bar she never told me to pack up and move home. She
never questioned my plan because she knew she raised a girl who no matter what
adversity she’d face, she would be able to overcome it.
I truly believe our world needs parents like my mom. Parents
who have faith in their children, parents who teach strength, courage, and
independence. Parents who lead by example when it comes to taking risks and for
not settling for the mundane. It’s because of her that not once have I second guessed my decision to move to this beautiful city!
As for life in Nashville two months later...I'm lovin' it : ) We've made lots of new friends, bought a couch, and starting tomorrow we have friends and family from home visiting us all the way up through Thanksgiving! Things are going real smoothly!
Until next time!
-AK
